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Jump to content. When women are depressed, they. Men invade another country.

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How not to comfort someone. For how to do it, see the tips below. Have you ever had someone come to you crying? Maybe your girlfriend had a brutal day at work and fell apart when she came through the door.

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Or your mom lost it while reminiscing about your deceased dad. Or your usually stoic buddy broke down about his girlfriend dumping him. I held off on doing so, because while I thought I did a pretty good job in this area myself, I wanted to see if there was real research out there concerning best practices. Fortunately, I recently came across some great tips from Dr. John Gottmana professor of psychology and arguably the foremost relationship expert in the country.

How to comfort someone who’s sad/crying

Is that right? Affirm that their feelings make sense. I honestly was depressed for months after Emily and I ended things. Show the person you understand their feelings, and facilitate the deepening of his or her own understanding of them. Sometimes people do want advice or a proposed solution to their problem, but even then, they usually first simply want to vent their feelings; as has often been observed, this is especially true of women.

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So hold off on going into problem-solving mode at first, and just listen. This is the secret of the art of helping others. Anyone who has not mastered this is himself deluded when he proposes to help others. In order to help another effectively, I must understand more than he — yet first of all surely I must understand what he understands.

If I do not know that, my greater understanding will be of no help to him. If, however, I am disposed to plume myself on my greater understanding, it is because I am vain or proud, so that at the bottom, instead of benefiting him, I want to be admired…To help does not mean to be a sovereign but a servant…not to be ambitious but to be patient.

Tell me all of your concerns.

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What set off these feelings? Offer physical affection if appropriate. But one of the things I think guys struggle with when trying to comfort someone is knowing how much physical affection to offer. The gestures you make should generally match whatever you give the person on a normal basis.

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Now this just goes for gestures you initiate; in gauging the level of needed physical affection, you should really let the other person take the lead — they may lean in to that arm you drape over their shoulder, and if they do, you should reciprocate. Suggest action steps. In such cases, after going through the above steps, the person typically feels better for having shared the burden on their heart, and the sadness runs its course.

Other times, the upset person still feels unresolved, and wants advice on what to do. First, ask them if they have any ideas as to steps they could take to improve the situation — solutions are more likely to be adopted if the person comes up with them on their own.

Excess rumination is not only ineffective in alleviating depressed feelings, it can actually make them worse. Affirm your support and commitment.

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